For All You Singles Out There
Hey, it’s the month of romance isn’t it? Alan calls this time of year the “Trifecta” because Valentine’s Day, our anniversary and my birthday are very close together. He usually shops for one nice gift to cover all three. He is so efficient, don’t you think? What a sweetie!
In honor of this month, we are posting a list of principles for those of you still looking for your Mister or Missus. We pray this will help you as you seek the Lord’s will in finding a spouse!
Ten Principles for Righteous Romance by Rick Holland
1. Character principle: The character principle focuses in being the right person more than on finding the right person. God prioritizes the condition of the heart over externals (1 Samuel 16:7), and so should we. Evaluation of a potential spouse should first be based upon character. At the same time, we need to remember that we ourselves must be maturing in righteousness through the Word, prayer, and spiritual discipleship (Titus 2:1-8). One of the best ways to prepare for marriage is to learn from an older, wiser, and godlier mentor of the same gender.
2. Confirmation principle: The confirmation principle is a willingness to submit oneself to the spiritual oversight and accountability God has placed in one’s life. Parental affirmation (Ephesians 6:1-2), pastoral affirmation (Ephesians 4:11-16), and peer affirmation (Proverbs 15:22) are three types of confirmation one should seek in determining the wisdom of continuing a romantic relationship.
3. Contentment principle: The contentment principle recognizes that the starting point for developing a righteous relationship with another person is the ultimate relationship-your relationship with God. If you are not first satisfied in God alone, you will never find lasting happiness with anyone else (Psalm 63; 84:11; Philippians 4:10-13).
4. Common ground principle: A believer should develop a romantic relationship with another Christian (2 Corinthians 6:14-18). If marrying an unbeliever is outside of God’s will, then dating one must also be off limits. You cannot date someone who is spiritually dead and simultaneously please Christ.
5. Cultivation principle: Relationships need to be cultivated if they are to grow. Believers can develop relationships in a group setting with other believers. Believers should see each other as spiritual siblings first and as romantic options second. There is value in couples spending time alone, but it should be done in a public setting to minimize temptation.
6. Complementarian principle: Men and women have different God-given roles for the purpose of complementing each other (Genesis 1-3, Ephesians 5:21-33). “At the heart of mature masculinity is a sense of benevolent responsibility to lead, provide for, and protect women in ways appropriate to a man’s differing relationships…At the heart of true femininity is a freeing disposition to affirm, receive, and nurture strength and leadership from worthy men in ways appropriate to a woman’s differing relationships. With this in mind, men should be the initiators in a relationship. Internet dating potentially puts a woman in the place of being an initiator with men.
7. Companionship principle: God instituted marriage so that mankind could glorify the Creator through purposeful companionship. Marriage was created so that a husband and wife together, as a two-in-one team, would serve, reflect, and honor God. Make sure you get to know the other person before you decide that he or she is “the one.” Try to observe him or her in as many different settings as possible.
8. Commitment principle: This principle stresses that true love, biblically defined involves self-sacrifice and commitment. Christian love imitates God’s love for us, which is an unconditional commitment to imperfect people. In romantic pursuits, great care must be made to distinguish butterflies and feelings from genuine love and commitment. Love is a commitment that culminates in marriage. We too often confuse emotions for love.
9. Communication principle: Successful relationships require biblical modes of communication. Biblical communication includes communicating verbally, honestly, regularly, and purposefully (Ephesians 4:25-29). The key to successful communication is humility. Those who desire to be better communicators and listeners must place the focus of their communication and attention on the other person.
10. Chastity principle: A question frequently asked in Christian relationships is, How far can we go physically? This question is really asking, How close can we get to the line without crossing over into sin? By contrast, the chastity principle ask, How pure and holy can I be? Sex is God’s wedding gift, and He does not want it opened early! Avoid behavior you would one day regret if your relationship were to be broken off. The safest approach is to treat the other person you are dating as if he or she might become someone else’s spouse. (cf. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-7)
